In my previous post, I talked about my graduation trip to New York City two years ago. In a way that trip sowed the seeds of my discontent with life here. Life in New York City seemed more exciting; bubbling with energy and vibrancy compared to the dullness of staid Singapore. I felt an immense sadness on my last day in the city, believing that there was nothing back home for me. I was only gone for a month but it took me a long time to adjust. Life in Singapore has a way of getting you down. Live here long enough and you’ll know what I mean. There is a coldness underneath its shiny, polished, seemingly perfect exterior. People go about their lives in a daze, closed off from one another and absorbed in their smartphones and iPads. It is a robotic, soulness existence. Most days I feel overwhelmed by melancholy, my senses dulled by the monotony of daily life. I long for a different environment, a change of pace from the default always-on setting here. I feel an anguish that arises from yearning to be somewhere else. It comes and goes in waves, often when I least expect it. Above all I feel a deep loneliness. I long for a partner, for someone to love and to love me. Someone by my side to tell me everything will be ok. The kind of love only a special someone can provide. At our core that’s all anyone really wants – the love of another human being.
Despite everything I’ve said and despite the imperfections of my situation, I feel that things are turning around. I am learning to open my eyes and realise that things are not as dire as I think. I am learning to shift my perspective slowly day by day and to be grateful for what I have – family, friends, a job, hobbies. I know I have accomplished some goals and am working towards others. Knowing that there is so much more to see and so much left to discover is a powerful motivator. The chase continues.