Searching

by ariddesert87

I left my job two weeks ago. As of 13 June, I have ceased to be a project executive. Project management is a tough field. The responsibilities are heavy, accountability is high and working in a fast-paced agency environment meant little room for error. It was a challenging role which tested my ability to lead and handle pressure to stretching point. Over the past 10 months, I learnt a lot and also made many mistakes along the way. The countless late nights rushing to meet tight deadlines, constant interaction with clients and internal teams and the rather dry nature of the work eventually wore me down. Ultimately I said goodbye because I lacked the passion and capacity for a career in project management. I’m grateful for the supportive colleagues I had, without whom I’m sure I would not have survived the gruelling schedule. Despite my feelings about my job, I’m glad I lasted as long as I did and was able to see the account through to the end.

I spent the past week applying for writing and marketing communications positions; contract, full-time, internships, anything that sounded interesting. I applied to agencies, recruitment firms and print and online publications. I didn’t have anything lined up when I left. It’s not a good idea to quit without securing a new job and this will probably be the first and last time I do that. It’s hard being out of work in a city with a high cost of living and I hope I land something soon.

I’m starting to feel insecurity and angst creep up on me again. My new-found freedom has given way to anxiety and restlessness. I fret that I’m underqualified for the jobs I applied to, that my resumes ended up in junk email folders, that my efforts spent composing carefully-tailored emails were in vain. The feeling that everyone around me is doing better and on track to accomplish their goals, while I’ve barely begun to carve out a career. And so I take to the Internet in an attempt to quell these dark thoughts in my head that threaten to overwhelm and banish the dark clouds that are hovering over me.

As I click “send” on an application, I tell myself that something will turn up soon. It has to.

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