Melancholic Murmurings

by ariddesert87

It’s been over a week since I returned from Penang and I’m still adjusting to being back. I’m floating around in a post-vacation haze, my bag and suitcase are still on the floor, and my toiletries have taken up temporary residence on top of the toilet. My mind feels far away and foggy, and I’m sorely lacking inspiration at work. Attempts to bully my brain into submission and psych myself up have been futile. I can’t help but feel my break was too little, too late. I feel lethargy setting in and restlessness growing in my heart again, a sign that I need to get in shape and tame the wanderlust.

I met E over the weekend and we went to a cute little cafe called Butter Studio along Jalan Besar for lunch. It was undergoing renovations but noticing the ‘open’ sign, we went in and chose a long table at the back. I was actually craving Indian food – being in Little India does that to you – and suggested we share something light so we could have a second lunch. E agreed and we had a plate of berry pancakes. It was alright, nothing spectacular and honestly a tad overpriced at $11 for three modest pieces.

We talked about our families, work and relationships. Despite only knowing him since the start of this year, I find E a sincere, honest person who’s just trying to find his footing in life like I am. I think we’re going to be friends for a long time.

Later in the afternoon, I received some news that gave me pause and put an abrupt end to fledgling personal relations. Though it wasn’t completely unexpected, hurt and confusion welled up against my will, then gave way to disappointment, and finally indignation at the medium of delivery. It was a minor blow that in hindsight didn’t really matter, but for a brief moment old securities resurfaced that threatened to shake me. Just when it feels like things are progressing, life throws me a curveball and suddenly I’m back at square one and feeling more poorly than I was before. Every time I suffer a setback I think of past grievances, my overactive imagination starts acting up and it feels like life will never get better. Now that I’ve had two days to mull over it, I ultimately feel relief that things ended now and not later when it would have undoubtedly been much worse.

All I can do is pick myself up, brush off remnants of the bitter past, and believe that better times await.